Jurassic World Review: 2 Hours, 3 Minutes to Extinction
JURASSIC WORLD REVIEW
BY ROBERT MABER
VERDICT:
| 2 Hours, 3 Minutes to Extinction | |
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I am going to be perfectly honest and say that when I see a film to review and critique, I try to be as fair in my judgment as possible. Before watching Jurassic World I knew two things:
- Reboots haven’t exactly been having the best reputation these past few years. Many have been eviscerated by critics for being cheap cash grabs, capitalizing solely on affiliation with an old and well-established franchise without allocating time to good characters or story.
- While some of the CGI effects look relatively good at first, and the premise seems to be that of a horror movie of sorts with dinosaurs, there could be some promise, especially with Chris Pratt in the mix.
As to what I actually got from Jurassic World, I can sum it up like this: never before have I ever wanted so many movie characters to simply die where they stood due to their sheer ignorance to reality and incompetence overall. Chris Pratt gets a pass because he’s Star Lord, so he’s fine.
Again, while the characters were bad, the parts of the film that did not consist of humans talking or acting were actually pretty good to look at. At leaks from a visual effects perspective, director Colin Trevorrow knows how to create very passable visual effects shots, for the most part. I wasn’t a fan of how all of the CG seemed to have some odd blue tint to its look, much like how the CGI in Battle of the Five Armies looked like shots of painting with random sunlight and bright gold sheen thrown on it randomly (but that’s a discussion for another review).
Bryce Dallas Howard’s character, a stereotypical busybody corporate type who of course only cares about running a business / theme park about dinosaurs, seems to be very adept and not completely caring about the survivability of her own nephews on an island populated with um…oh yeah, DINOSAURS. MEAT-EATING, CARNIVOROUS, COULD KILL YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT, DINOSAURS.
It doesn’t honestly help that the two boys who travel to the park to see their aunt are stereotypical kids of the “modern generation” in the eyes of Hollywood; constantly staring at their phones, completely oblivious to the spectacle that lies around them, the once unfathomable idea of dinosaurs roaming in our modern society. And what do they do when Indominus Rex, the Frankenstein creation of Jurassic World (which was initially guarded by only ONE, STEREOTYPICALLY FAT AND OBLIVIOUS SECURITY GUARD), happens to escape its holding cell and moves towards other crowded parts of the park? The kids decide “Nah, security is for wimps. Let’s go completely off the grid into this incredibly restricted area closed off to all park goers and risk our own lives simply to see carnivorous dinosaurs much more up close than should normally be allowed when THE PARK IS SUPPOSED TO BE ON COMPLETE LOCKDOWN”. So suffice to say that when the “dark excrement” hits the fan and the kids are suddenly in danger, forgive me if I lean back in my chair and say to myself, “yeah go for it Indominus. Enjoy your free meal”
That being said, now I’ll do something rare for this review: talk about something I liked. Specifically, I’m going to talk about Chris Pratt. The best thing I could say about his Indiana Jones-ish, Nathan Drake-ish impersonation of performance is that it works for the type of person that he is made out to be in the movie; a man working for the park to train velociraptors to perform shows and neat tricks for spectators, as well as to consistently beat the audience over the head with idea that “these creatures are meant to be part of nature. You can take the animal out of nature, but you can’t take the nature out of the animal.” Ok, movie praising done. Back to ranting.
I have no idea why some weird military guy wants to of course use the dinosaurs for military purposes (specifically sending them behind enemy lines and ambushing enemies in Afghanistan due to their sheer speed and vicious nature as carnivores). This suddenly comes into play for the sake of the plot toward the third act of the film when it is discovered that when Indominus Rex was created, the scientists didn’t simply mix two types of dinosaur together. No, they went much further and added in DNA from other animals that conveniently make Indominus Rex, a creature that was created to be SHOWN OFF AS A COOL NEW DINOSAUR to tourists, can suddenly CAMOUFLAGE, AND ACT LIKE A PREDATOR WHILE HUNTING DOWN EVERY HUMAN THAT BREATHES. Specifically, it has DNA of the following creatures:
- Tyrannosaurus rex: The base framework for Indominus rex’s genome. Provided a powerful musculature – including heavy tail and jaws (capable of crushing bone) – paired with agile and swift movement (relative to the creature’s size).
- Abelisaurs – In general, the inclusion of Abelisaur DNA exaggerated T-rex traits – making Indominus bigger and tougher than a standard Tyrannosaur. Specifically: enormous 40ft+ size (Giganotosaurus), more teeth (Majungasaurus) ultra-tough bony osteoderms (Rugops) with “hornlike” growths (Carnotaurus) over the eyes and along the back for defensive protection.
- Cuttlefish: Camouflage. Alteration of skin pigmentation, through the combined efforts of chromatophores and reflective iridophores and leucophores, Indominus could blend into the surrounding environment – reducing visibility while hunting (or hiding).
- Tree Frog: Thermoregulation through color alteration and lowered metabolic functions – allowed the Indominus rex to avoid infrared detection (an added layer of stealth on top of environmental camouflage).
- Pit Adder: Infrared (heat sensing) vision. Conversely, Indominus rex “sees” in infrared – allowing the apex predator to sense hidden or obscured prey (as well as target especially vulnerable areas on an attacker’s body).
And of course, simply thrown in to add dramatic tension in the end when Chris Pratt’s velociraptor police force tries to take down Indominus, guess what other DNA type was injected into Indominus:
- Velociraptor: While Indominus rex received its enormous size from T-rex and Abelisaur DNA, its brain was engineered from problem-solving intelligent Velocripators. Above-average intellect allowed Indominus rex to sense patterns in paddock security – as well as set traps by utilizing inherited traits to exploit vulnerabilities in Jurassic World‘s containment systems. Including Velociraptor DNA also enabled Indominus rex to communicate with “normal” raptors and, given the hybrid’s size and durability, secure a place as the new pack alpha.
(Source of DNA list: http://screenrant.com/jurassic-world-hybrid-dinosaur-explained-spoilers/2/)
Probably the biggest insult made in my opinion to the old films is that as a last0ditch effort to try and kill Indominus, Chris Pratt has Bryce Dallas Howard go over to an older side of the park to draw out the original T-Rex from the first Jurassic Park movie, a move that is totally forced, unnecessary, and simply acts as a forced connection to Jurassic Park, or in some circles can be perceived as tainting the old films slightly by acknowledging that these films share the same continuity. It doesn’t hurt the quality of the older films in any way. It’s more along the lines of realizing that Han Solo and Princess Leia are in the same universe as Jar Jar Binks. (Meesa gonna pay for disa reference, methinks…Ok, I’m done.)
Now, however, he isn’t exactly still in his prime, of course. He’s battered, weak, slower than he used to be. The funniest part for me of this whole exchange is that Bryce Dallas Howard chooses to go after T-Rex and use a flare to lure it back toward Indominus all while wearing a WHITE CORPORATE OUTFIT AND RUNNING AWAY FROM T-REX IN HIGH HEELS. So yeah, suffice to say that did aggravate me just a tad.
Add into this movie a force love connection between Bryce Dallas Howard and Chris Pratt, the fact that the supposed babysitter of Bryce Dallas Howard’s nephews is totally negligent at her duties and is dropped by a Pterodactyl into the gaping maw of this thing below when all hell breaks loose, and you get what was in my eyes a very hollow, poorly executed means of furthering a franchise and a film that really didn’t need to exist at all.
Now apparently Colin Treverrow is slated to direct Star Wars Episode IX. I think he could do fine with that film, as long as there are no dinosaurs or Bryce Dallas Howards involved.
Score: 1.2 out of 5
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