“Distortion” Progress Presentation

Hey guys!

Here is the Pilot of my series titled “Distortion”. I am in the editing phase and still working out a lot of kinks, including writing the ending. In addition I have figured out that Margot (my main character) has Schizotypal Personality Disorder, although the character does not know that yet.

I am hoping to do a table read of the first 4 scenes (a little over 7 pages) in class tomorrow, and have the following questions:

  1. Does the dialogue flow/feel natural
  2. Does the structure/order of events make sense so far
  3. Does Margot seem like a person who has some of the symptoms of Schizotypal Personality Disorder? Should I add more characteristics? I want her to seem like she has a mild case and build the discussion around that in later episodes.
  4. Addressing the previous question: I also want to be sensitive to any readers or viewers who may feel connected to this topic. Do you think I approach this too insensitively? Does Margot’s character seem sincere/realistic?
  5. Any other feedback or criticisms you may have.

Feel free to read the whole episode and comment with any other suggestions.

Distortion- Pilot-Edits

Prince and the Spidres Synopsis

Protus initially is a reckless young man who will get into any trouble to gain his father’s attention. He gets into a barfight and loses which lowers his morale, especially after a lecture from his guardsman Brellin emphasizes that the denizens will only put up with it for so long before possibly doing something about it themselves.

As a form of escapism, he journeys to the forest below the castle to discover that some guards are harassing a woman (Amorelai). He steps in to help but is easily thrown off and pummeled by the guardsmen thinking that he is just a plebe. She takes the moment as a distraction and poisons one of the guards by sticking her nails into his neck. He falls and the other guards run off. Protus stays, entranced by her power and beauty. They discuss their backgrounds generally, both mentioning overbearing father figures and their own self-doubt. She wishes to practice more of her own agency so that her opinion is taken more seriously at home, to which Protus exclaims that she’s talented and everyone should listen to her anyway. She laughs. He tells her how he wishes to be more of what his father expects but doesn’t understand why he seems to be failing. She tells him that he needs only try and he’ll be fine. This sticks with him in his head. After walking and talking for some time, they depart from each other after encountering a strange cave. She leaves through the cave and he is left on the other side, wanting to grow more and act like an adult.

 

He returns to the castle gates, approached by the castle guards and Brellin as to where he has been; the kingdom is under red alert because of his absence. He apologizes and says that for anything that had happened, he personally would like to attend to it to remedy it. Brellin surprised but skeptical accepts and lists Protus’s tasks. He is traveling up towards the main castle where his room is when, as he approaches the shaded steps that spiral up towards the upper bounds of Odingard, an elderly woman with a small cart is struggling to pull it up. Protus acknowledges this and helps the elderly woman up the staricase, carrying her cart in one hand and bracing her in the other. Days pass and Protus has helped out around the kingdom: he’s helped get small animals out of trees, worked with the community to replant vegetation and fix infrastructure around the kingdom after severe storm conditions, and has returned to learning about the responsibilities of a true warrior. Time goes by and a monster has found its way to the doors of Odingard. Protus is towards the front line when the monster attacks and breaks through the braced-wood doors. Protus, Brellin, archers, and soldiers fight the monster, getting it to its knees. Before the finishing blow is dealt by some soldiers, the ground below them begins to open up and a fissure forms.

The monster and a few soldiers are swallowed up, screaming as they fall. Soon there’s no sound. Everyone approaches the hole, wary of what might happen if they get too close. A small hissing sound emanates from the hole. A purple, arm-sized, spiderleg reaches out of the hole. In a flash, the square is overrun by spider-like humanoids. They pour out of the hole and engage some of the soldiers. Protus runs through the kingdom trying to fight as many of the spiderpeople as he can while also making sure citizens are going inside their homes. Soldiers are dying all around him. The streets are beginning to look less like cobble stone and more like a mix of red and purple grapejuice. The flows come from higher up the kingdom, Protus notices this and proceeds towards the castle. He is able to make it ahead of the spiderpeople to the castle entrance. He finds Brellin at the entrance waving him in. He dives in just as a wave of spiderpeople slam up against the doors. Pounds are made against the fortified wall. Thumps, vibrations, and debris are felt as the castle is overrun by the many legs walking across the roof. King Soladon enters the room where Protus is, he assigns everyone their role and tells Protus “Keep doing what you are doing.” A hole opens up in this large room, everyone braces. A much larger spiderleg-claw extends out of the hole. A massive, purple shelled, scarab-like, spider monster climbs out of the hole. It speaks the human tongue and addresses itself as Scarabak, claiming that he and his Aracites have been repressed. Their ancestors had been poisoned and manipulated by overworlders, driving the Aracites down underground. Scarabak speaks of how ancestral lines that had existed for centuries before first meeting the overworlders were finished in the course of years, a large proportion of their population dwindled down to a few. King Soladon must represent his people and bear the burden of fighting for them. He and King Scarabak come to blows, fighting with their people in their hearts). Several larger Aracites climb out of the hole and engage the other soldiers in the fortress, Brellin and Protus break off into two teams and face the enforced enemy.

 

The soldiers begin to fend off the room more and more, Soladon has Scarabak on the run when Soladon challenges Scarabak to leave the kingdom. Scarabak refuses. From the hole, a hand, a human-like hand reaches out. Protus is surveying the room when he sees another figure emerging from the hole. He races over to see what new enemy has arrived. Sword ready, he runs to the edge of the hole just to stop in his tracks as he sees that it’s Amorelai. She looks different, transformed, older. He extends his hand towards her but she hops out of the hole without even looking his direction. She approaches the situation of Soladon standing-over Scarabak. Protus, in a daze, looks at Amorelai and then to Scarabak. His focus switches between her and them until he puts the two together. He screams out “Stop!” but he is too late, King Soladon has plunged his sword through Scarabak’s chest. Protus drops his weapon and falls to his knees. He looks to Amorelai and she is just standing where she was, looking over at the corpse of her father. Protus slowly rises to his feet and runs over to Amorelai. He begins to extend his hand out towards her shoulder, tears in his eyes, a shadow across her face. Suddenly, the back of her wardrobe explodes and Spider-like arms come shooting out from her back, one pierces Protus’s armor, sending him flying to the ground. Amorelai’s attire has metamorphosized. She is taller and a crown-like decoration has developed from between her silky strands of dark hair. Her lighter magenta hair has grown much darker and her eyes have been enveloped in blackness.

Soladon, shaken by his son’s injury, sends a squad racing towards the new Spider-queen. Her movements are too fast for them as she jumps and bounces through their ranks, stabbing as many as she can with her new extended stingers as she makes her escape out of the main room. Just before the door, Amorelai jumps over King Soladon and tries to impale him with one of her stingers. Soladon reacts in time and is able to deflect the move with his sword. She lands gracefully in front of the door, takes one last look at the faces in the room, and then smashes through the doors. Through the hole, those left in the room see her race off down the main street as Aracites begin to conglomerate around her. Hundreds of the spider-like people climb and jump over the kingdom gates and can be seen running off down into the valley below. Soladon shifts his gaze from the fleeing threat to his wounded son. Medics are inspecting the wound, poison like the soldier has spread all over Protus’s right side and has infected much of his torso. Protus fades out of consciousness into black. Fade in a few weeks later, Protus has finally woken up from his coma and is severely crippled. From his bed, his options for entertainment include mediocre jester routines or extended gazes out the window next to his bed. One day, Soladon enters when he is doing the latter. Proud of his son for all his accomplishments and sacrifices, the kingdom has come a long way since the Aracite attack. In response to this, Protus, still staring out the window towards the sunset asks: “But at what cost?” Fade to Black.

Capstone Struggles Are Real

Over the weekend, I tried to film myself running…and as we all know this was a complete fail! I am brainstorming new ideas on how to make this possible (thank you to those who have already come up with ideas). I had one of those frustrating Capstone breakdowns, and definitely wished I had someone in the class to help at that moment. That’s why I think we should post on the blog our questions for instant feedback instead of waiting for class on Monday or Wednesday.

I know there will be many more frustrating moments to come- and sorry to say they will happen to most of you too! So here goes my first struggle blog post.

I am trying to shoot a close up shot of myself running from different angles which is really hard to do in motion. Does anyone have ideas on how to make this shot possible? Matt said to film from a slow moving car, and Megan suggested using the glider equipment. Any other suggestions?

“Buying Fate” Progress Presentation

Hello fellow Capstoners! (and Professor Sikand)

Attached is roughly Act 1 and about 10 pages of Act 2 of my feature length screenplay “Buying Fate”. Feel free to read more than the few pages I discuss in class. I greatly appreciate all feedback!

Needed characters for in-class table read (scenes 1-6): scene directions, Kyle, Vincent, Brendon, Random People in crowd, Amanda, Mr. Stevens, Mrs. Stevens

Major questions:

1) How does the dialogue read? Does each character have a distinct voice? Does it seem like a 22-year-old girl wrote this?

2) Is the information provided through dialogue to help establish the world subtle or does it feel forced? Does it feel like too much information is provided at once?

4) Does it feel like there are too many characters?

5) Or is it not complex enough? Should it be more futuristic and scientific?

5) Any other comments? Suggestions? Criticisms? Feedback? All is welcome and needed very much.

Thank you!

Buying Fate Capstone for Presentation

Ways I Can Help

Ways I can be helpful

  1. I can help others working on fiction scripts (Hubert, Cassidy, Nick, Chris, Andrew, John, Matt, Scott, and Li) with story flow and dialogue.
  2. I can help people doing documentaries such as Matt (Greek life) or Jess (empathy) by being an interview subject or operating equipment.
  3. Because Matt and I are the only two people doing feature length screenplays, I can help him with plot structure, character development, and give him ideas on what works and what doesn’t.
  4. I can help Chris by being an audience member for his comedic web series so he has somebody to bounce jokes off of.
  5. I can be an open ear for anybody having a difficult time and help them work through issues by providing a new perspective.

Transcripts would have been helpful

I’m currently reading a book about making documentaries for one of my other classes which has been extremely helpful in working on my capstone (although I wish I had read it before starting).  The book, which is called Documentary Storytelling has a section about going from raw footage to rough cuts to fine cuts to picture locks.  Reading more about the process has been extremely helpful in knowing what’s to come and also has made me reflect upon what would have made this project easier.  I think, in the future, given more time and perhaps more manpower, I will start working towards a rough cut through paper editing.  Transcribing interviews, especially when I am working with so many, would be helpful in determining story structure.  Rather than watching each clip over and over and trying to piece together cohesive bits of audio, I would simply cut and paste sections of the transcript into a readable outline of the story.  Unfortunately, I think I may be too far into the process for this to be extremely useful but I think that I will try typing up the audio of my current edit and try reading it to see if it makes sense.

How I Can Help

While working on this project, I also hope to be a useful resource to other students.  In terms of narrative films, I am extremely interested in production design and could be helpful in creating props, designing/advising on sets, and a number of other tasks that would normally fall to the art department.  I have experience painting, sculpting, and drafting if any of these skills are needed.  Although I am not experienced in screenplay writing, I do have experience editing (in terms of writing mechanics) and have also read and watched a great deal of sci-fi/fantasy which could be useful for those looking to talk about ideas.  I can also help film if necessary and have picked up a number of useful sound recording techniques that may be helpful to those filming narratives or documentaries.  For those looking for actors, I have a number of friends in the theater department and would be more than happy to direct them towards capstone projects.  I may also be a useful resource for Matt’s Greek life project as I’m in a sorority and for Lauren’s essay in the form of research and editing help.

How I Can Help

I have a camcorder, mic, tripod, and lighting kit that all are welcome to use.

I would always be interested in offering feedback on scripts and early edits of footage, and offering moral support.

I can help and be crew on a set.

I can spread the word of others projects if they need crew or cast. Or promotion in general

And I would be interested in being interviewed for any documentaries.

I have a car if anyone needed to use it!

Ways to Help

 

  • As a WA, I’d be more than happy to look over and peer-review scripts and screenplays for anyone.
  • I’d be open to being interviewed for anyone’s documentary.
  • I am not a very great actor, but I would be able to act out in small roles or short scenes if necessary!
  • I can help film with anyone who might be shooting in downtown or on campus locations.
  • I’d also be able to help with audio equipment or equipment set-up/management at shoots