Hey guys,

Here are the basic building blocks of my capstone (split into three parts at the moment).  The beginning and end are in the works still. I’d really appreciate your feedback on the following:

• overall structure/flow–does it seem awkward or forced? What would make the transition easier for you?
• cutting down the clips–what information is redundant/unnecessary? What moments do you think are most valuable?
• would stop motion or some kind of animated sequence throughout help tie things together or would it be obtrusive with the tone?
• where do I need to breathe?

Please keep in mind that sound and color our in progress! (Also the statistic is just a rough place holder right now)

 

You know,

A friend once told me,

It was something she saw behind my eyes

That made her want to get close to me

And be friends

And so I asked her,

What did she possibly see,

Behind my gaze every other week?

And she said PAIN,

And there it was, yet again.

That word that flooded my brain

And repressed memories stacked and stained

What was left of my cerebral membrane

 

So I don’t know how I got to this point

 

So I keep thinking of an intro.

The sketch of the pencil to the canvas,

Is the thought that brought me to you,

When I had no access.

 

When mom told me that you and her just couldn’t work out

After a certain age,

The reality set in,

But to deal with it was another journey.

Outsider not to just the world,

But to your family too.

 

Because it’s been some time,

When I think of you,

I simply ask,

What is a parent? And what is a child?

 

A Parent,

A father or a mother,

A caregiver of the offspring in their own species,

A caretaker of a Child.

 

A Child,

A son or daughter of any age,

A young person,

An immature or irresponsible person,

And at that moment I get confused,

(because of those words: immature, irresponsible)

because Mom always gave me this reason for why I would never see you

 

You were “irresponsible”.

But, but, a child should have the right to be irresponsible, right?

Not a parent, right?

But, you were the exception,

The void in my life that made question my existence.

 

For you were the father I never knew,

Except through the sketch of the pencil to the canvas.

 

For you were the father I never knew,

I saw you in your final days, withering away from an inclining decay,

And the impact of losing you hadn’t made me realize

How much I engulfed my life in my interpretation of your shadow

 

For you,

It was easy to find new path and detach,

Call it ‘quits’ and wait for the next dispatch,

For your turn at accidental paternity again,

And to stick with your partner’s maternity was to be a sin

 

So you looked at me as below hell,

Beyond the bowels you would ever forcefully reach,

But to still find you bound,

By the very pulse of my heartbeat.

 

My heart pumped blood before it pumped soul,

As I find my refuge wasn’t in your arms,

Or your wisdom or lack thereof.

It was in the moments and the people a far distance away,

Who subtly made me,

With their unrestricting love,

Regret my last name.

 

I found myself to originally be framed,

In the image of you,

From the moment I left the womb,

But how do you mimic the image of absence?

After I was several months in this world,

You took to a new life already, steadily packing.

So that left me without many options,

Had it not been for a wise stepdad,

I’d be fatherless,

With you looking at a mirror of yourself.

Now could you have looked at me HONESTLY,

And say you were proud to be a father.

Sadly, I can’t ask,

Because you’re either six-feet deep, cremated, or maybe in a grave.

 

Not that you’re gone,

I ask for one last and simple favor.

I ask for you to look over me,

You owe me that.

But I want to know,

What do I owe you?

What do you want from me?

 

 

Zenith (1)

Attached is ACT I of my feature.

Agbe(wt) Pilot script

Hi everyone, Attached is the script for my pilot episode.

The pilot is currently 18 pages and I’m in the process of feeling out if it’s too short. My first question would be how does it flow as a script/episode

The show will mainly focus on a Ghanaian family, do you think there is enough of the culture shown in the first episode part 1?

Do you think the two storylines will work together if the main characters don’t interact with Nii(eldest brother) until he gets home from prison until later in the series?

Do you think the story needs a more women? (main female character other than Eureka)

In general, is this something you would watch?

 

If you want to take a quick glimpse into the merit system click on the links below.

 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2016/08/11/schools-that-accept-no-excuses-from-students-are-not-helping-them/?utm_term=.4902da419c8b

Merits_and_Demerits_List

Cosmopolite in a Café

Hey guys!

My mom is speaking next Monday, September 26th at 4PM in Oeschle Center! I’m sure some of you have been to one of her speaking events before, but she would love to have some FAMS support there. Definitely try to make it if you can- it’s okay if you are a little late she knows we have class until 4. Attached is more info! (boys are more than welcome to come despite what the flyer makes it seem like…)

Hey guys!

Here is the Pilot of my series titled “Distortion”. I am in the editing phase and still working out a lot of kinks, including writing the ending. In addition I have figured out that Margot (my main character) has Schizotypal Personality Disorder, although the character does not know that yet.

I am hoping to do a table read of the first 4 scenes (a little over 7 pages) in class tomorrow, and have the following questions:

1. Does the dialogue flow/feel natural
2. Does the structure/order of events make sense so far
3. Does Margot seem like a person who has some of the symptoms of Schizotypal Personality Disorder? Should I add more characteristics? I want her to seem like she has a mild case and build the discussion around that in later episodes.
4. Addressing the previous question: I also want to be sensitive to any readers or viewers who may feel connected to this topic. Do you think I approach this too insensitively? Does Margot’s character seem sincere/realistic?
5. Any other feedback or criticisms you may have.

Feel free to read the whole episode and comment with any other suggestions.

Distortion- Pilot-Edits

Protus initially is a reckless young man who will get into any trouble to gain his father’s attention. He gets into a barfight and loses which lowers his morale, especially after a lecture from his guardsman Brellin emphasizes that the denizens will only put up with it for so long before possibly doing something about it themselves.

As a form of escapism, he journeys to the forest below the castle to discover that some guards are harassing a woman (Amorelai). He steps in to help but is easily thrown off and pummeled by the guardsmen thinking that he is just a plebe. She takes the moment as a distraction and poisons one of the guards by sticking her nails into his neck. He falls and the other guards run off. Protus stays, entranced by her power and beauty. They discuss their backgrounds generally, both mentioning overbearing father figures and their own self-doubt. She wishes to practice more of her own agency so that her opinion is taken more seriously at home, to which Protus exclaims that she’s talented and everyone should listen to her anyway. She laughs. He tells her how he wishes to be more of what his father expects but doesn’t understand why he seems to be failing. She tells him that he needs only try and he’ll be fine. This sticks with him in his head. After walking and talking for some time, they depart from each other after encountering a strange cave. She leaves through the cave and he is left on the other side, wanting to grow more and act like an adult.

 

He returns to the castle gates, approached by the castle guards and Brellin as to where he has been; the kingdom is under red alert because of his absence. He apologizes and says that for anything that had happened, he personally would like to attend to it to remedy it. Brellin surprised but skeptical accepts and lists Protus’s tasks. He is traveling up towards the main castle where his room is when, as he approaches the shaded steps that spiral up towards the upper bounds of Odingard, an elderly woman with a small cart is struggling to pull it up. Protus acknowledges this and helps the elderly woman up the staricase, carrying her cart in one hand and bracing her in the other. Days pass and Protus has helped out around the kingdom: he’s helped get small animals out of trees, worked with the community to replant vegetation and fix infrastructure around the kingdom after severe storm conditions, and has returned to learning about the responsibilities of a true warrior. Time goes by and a monster has found its way to the doors of Odingard. Protus is towards the front line when the monster attacks and breaks through the braced-wood doors. Protus, Brellin, archers, and soldiers fight the monster, getting it to its knees. Before the finishing blow is dealt by some soldiers, the ground below them begins to open up and a fissure forms.

The monster and a few soldiers are swallowed up, screaming as they fall. Soon there’s no sound. Everyone approaches the hole, wary of what might happen if they get too close. A small hissing sound emanates from the hole. A purple, arm-sized, spiderleg reaches out of the hole. In a flash, the square is overrun by spider-like humanoids. They pour out of the hole and engage some of the soldiers. Protus runs through the kingdom trying to fight as many of the spiderpeople as he can while also making sure citizens are going inside their homes. Soldiers are dying all around him. The streets are beginning to look less like cobble stone and more like a mix of red and purple grapejuice. The flows come from higher up the kingdom, Protus notices this and proceeds towards the castle. He is able to make it ahead of the spiderpeople to the castle entrance. He finds Brellin at the entrance waving him in. He dives in just as a wave of spiderpeople slam up against the doors. Pounds are made against the fortified wall. Thumps, vibrations, and debris are felt as the castle is overrun by the many legs walking across the roof. King Soladon enters the room where Protus is, he assigns everyone their role and tells Protus “Keep doing what you are doing.” A hole opens up in this large room, everyone braces. A much larger spiderleg-claw extends out of the hole. A massive, purple shelled, scarab-like, spider monster climbs out of the hole. It speaks the human tongue and addresses itself as Scarabak, claiming that he and his Aracites have been repressed. Their ancestors had been poisoned and manipulated by overworlders, driving the Aracites down underground. Scarabak speaks of how ancestral lines that had existed for centuries before first meeting the overworlders were finished in the course of years, a large proportion of their population dwindled down to a few. King Soladon must represent his people and bear the burden of fighting for them. He and King Scarabak come to blows, fighting with their people in their hearts). Several larger Aracites climb out of the hole and engage the other soldiers in the fortress, Brellin and Protus break off into two teams and face the enforced enemy.

 

The soldiers begin to fend off the room more and more, Soladon has Scarabak on the run when Soladon challenges Scarabak to leave the kingdom. Scarabak refuses. From the hole, a hand, a human-like hand reaches out. Protus is surveying the room when he sees another figure emerging from the hole. He races over to see what new enemy has arrived. Sword ready, he runs to the edge of the hole just to stop in his tracks as he sees that it’s Amorelai. She looks different, transformed, older. He extends his hand towards her but she hops out of the hole without even looking his direction. She approaches the situation of Soladon standing-over Scarabak. Protus, in a daze, looks at Amorelai and then to Scarabak. His focus switches between her and them until he puts the two together. He screams out “Stop!” but he is too late, King Soladon has plunged his sword through Scarabak’s chest. Protus drops his weapon and falls to his knees. He looks to Amorelai and she is just standing where she was, looking over at the corpse of her father. Protus slowly rises to his feet and runs over to Amorelai. He begins to extend his hand out towards her shoulder, tears in his eyes, a shadow across her face. Suddenly, the back of her wardrobe explodes and Spider-like arms come shooting out from her back, one pierces Protus’s armor, sending him flying to the ground. Amorelai’s attire has metamorphosized. She is taller and a crown-like decoration has developed from between her silky strands of dark hair. Her lighter magenta hair has grown much darker and her eyes have been enveloped in blackness.

Soladon, shaken by his son’s injury, sends a squad racing towards the new Spider-queen. Her movements are too fast for them as she jumps and bounces through their ranks, stabbing as many as she can with her new extended stingers as she makes her escape out of the main room. Just before the door, Amorelai jumps over King Soladon and tries to impale him with one of her stingers. Soladon reacts in time and is able to deflect the move with his sword. She lands gracefully in front of the door, takes one last look at the faces in the room, and then smashes through the doors. Through the hole, those left in the room see her race off down the main street as Aracites begin to conglomerate around her. Hundreds of the spider-like people climb and jump over the kingdom gates and can be seen running off down into the valley below. Soladon shifts his gaze from the fleeing threat to his wounded son. Medics are inspecting the wound, poison like the soldier has spread all over Protus’s right side and has infected much of his torso. Protus fades out of consciousness into black. Fade in a few weeks later, Protus has finally woken up from his coma and is severely crippled. From his bed, his options for entertainment include mediocre jester routines or extended gazes out the window next to his bed. One day, Soladon enters when he is doing the latter. Proud of his son for all his accomplishments and sacrifices, the kingdom has come a long way since the Aracite attack. In response to this, Protus, still staring out the window towards the sunset asks: “But at what cost?” Fade to Black.