Hey guys!
Here is the Pilot of my series titled “Distortion”. I am in the editing phase and still working out a lot of kinks, including writing the ending. In addition I have figured out that Margot (my main character) has Schizotypal Personality Disorder, although the character does not know that yet.
I am hoping to do a table read of the first 4 scenes (a little over 7 pages) in class tomorrow, and have the following questions:
- Does the dialogue flow/feel natural
- Does the structure/order of events make sense so far
- Does Margot seem like a person who has some of the symptoms of Schizotypal Personality Disorder? Should I add more characteristics? I want her to seem like she has a mild case and build the discussion around that in later episodes.
- Addressing the previous question: I also want to be sensitive to any readers or viewers who may feel connected to this topic. Do you think I approach this too insensitively? Does Margot’s character seem sincere/realistic?
- Any other feedback or criticisms you may have.
Feel free to read the whole episode and comment with any other suggestions.
I know this wasn’t one of your main questions, and was only brought up briefly in class, but I think the coach character in the beginning should be flushed out a little! I’m not sure if you want the coach’s character to be as cold as she/he came across today. It seemed like a principal or someone Margot was meeting for the first time. Maybe the dialogue shouldn’t be as stiff? The coach still can be harsh while showing they have some sort of relationship.
Cassidy,
I thought you did a great job on your presentation. Your script came turned out nicely. Working in a similar topic, I know that you did your research. Margot’s a good character and this is a story with great potential.Let me know if you ever need my help with anything.
-Scott