Hello fellow Capstoners! (and Professor Sikand)
Attached is roughly Act 1 and about 10 pages of Act 2 of my feature length screenplay “Buying Fate”. Feel free to read more than the few pages I discuss in class. I greatly appreciate all feedback!
Needed characters for in-class table read (scenes 1-6): scene directions, Kyle, Vincent, Brendon, Random People in crowd, Amanda, Mr. Stevens, Mrs. Stevens
Major questions:
1) How does the dialogue read? Does each character have a distinct voice? Does it seem like a 22-year-old girl wrote this?
2) Is the information provided through dialogue to help establish the world subtle or does it feel forced? Does it feel like too much information is provided at once?
4) Does it feel like there are too many characters?
5) Or is it not complex enough? Should it be more futuristic and scientific?
5) Any other comments? Suggestions? Criticisms? Feedback? All is welcome and needed very much.
Thank you!
When you initially introduced your story to us I knew I’d enjoy reading it. I’m always excited to see/read futuristic stories and I think that your concept is unique. I read through more of your script and I like the way we learn more about Amanda’s character. She becomes more of a tangible person to me as the script progresses which I think is extremely important given that she is designed to be an ideal level of genius. I only noticed one minor point in the script that I might change (of course you’re welcome to ignore this)–but on page 9 where Amanda tells her professor why the answer key is wrong, I think her explanation comes off as slightly awkward/long. I don’t know if you can summarize her response to be slightly more concise? Maybe just mention that he forgot to convert units or didn’t do dimensional analysis? I think it would also be helpful to add more futuristic components to the grading system–I might have the professor use some sort of device or even just a computer instead of paper grading. Other than that, I think the conversations flow really well and that the suspense pulls me forward.