Hi everyone, Attached is the script for my pilot episode.
The pilot is currently 18 pages and I’m in the process of feeling out if it’s too short. My first question would be how does it flow as a script/episode
The show will mainly focus on a Ghanaian family, do you think there is enough of the culture shown in the first episode part 1?
Do you think the two storylines will work together if the main characters don’t interact with Nii(eldest brother) until he gets home from prison until later in the series?
Do you think the story needs a more women? (main female character other than Eureka)
In general, is this something you would watch?
I just read through what is available online. I think that there is definitely a lot of cultural touches in the script and I really enjoy it. I do wish translations were available throughout the script. Additionally, I think you write in a lot of slang outside of the dialogue and it makes the script difficult to read. I did not mind that the characters did not interact personally. I do think that women characters are definitely important but you include them with the lawyer.
I think my main criticisms are the pacing is a little stop and go. The timing of script very stop and go. I also thinking taking this to a WA would be very helpful. There are many errors in terms of grammar and awkward sentences. I think having a person trained in these writing aspects would really help you flesh out your ideas. I personally would love to sit and go through the script but don’t think I can help fix as much as point out weird sections.