Over spring break I had the chance to talk to my grandmother about acts of kindness.  I asked her to tell me a few stories about the many times she helped young children find their parents when they were lost.

As an interesting sort of side note, part of why I wanted to share my grandmother’s experiences helping children was because she has often reflected on how the way you approach kids has changed over the years.  For better or worse, kids are more educated about “stranger danger” nowadays, which has led my grandmother to keep more of a distance in watching out for lost children.  Even if a fear of strangers helps children in many ways, I can’t help but feel a little sad that we have conditioned our children to have such a negative and fearful outlook on the world.  Luckily, people like my grandmother are still looking out for youngsters to make sure they’re safe.

Just to set the scene a little bit, the first anecdote she tells dates back to her college years when she was sight-seeing at a large park in New Jersey called Hacklebarney State Park.  Clouds quickly rolled in and it was apparent that a storm was coming.  On her way out of the park,  my grandmother noticed a young girl by herself and helped her find her way back to her parents. She goes on to explain several other instances in which she helped children and how the way she handles the situation has changed over the years.

From kindovermatter.com

Dr. Michelle King used to overcome traumatic experiences from her childhood by keeping busy with her medical career as a psychiatrist.  When she suffered debilitating injuries from a car accident, however, everything changed.  She was forced to retire from her medical practice which allowed those haunting memories to creep back into her life.  Without work to keep her busy, she sunk into a depression and suffered from post traumatic stress disorder.  Constantly telling herself that she was a failure, the only remedy for Michelle had to come from within herself in the form of self-kindness.

Michelle began by reversing her dysfunctional thoughts by replacing them with more realistic ones and being more proactive with her life.  According to Michelle, “Controlling our thoughts and realizing that we can help ourselves are powerful skills.”  Sure, there is such a thing as constructive criticism, but beating ourselves up all the time isn’t the answer either.  This helps no one.

Another key to relieving Michelle’s depression was engaging in more diverse activities to determine what gave her the most happiness.  She tried out different routines, and in the process, figured out which ones worked best for her.  The activity also inherently made her feel more in control.  The process even helped her dog that she brought along, helping the dog feel more comfortable when visiting an office environment.

Ultimately I chose this story because I usually think about acts of kindness as something a person might do for someone else in particular.  I forget that being kind to yourself can be important as well and is not necessarily selfish.  Self-kindness helps you battle debilitating thoughts and motivate yourself to action.  Naturally, believing that you can do something will increase your chances of succeeding in it.  And as Michelle’s story has shown, this is not only beneficial to yourself but to everyone around you as well.

Source: http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/yourmentalhealth/2014/03/05/overcoming-ptsd-with-self-kindness/

(From bc.ctv.ca)

After the rather depressing account of the euthenized giraffe from a Denmark zoo we discussed in class a few weeks ago, I figured I’d feature a much more uplifting tale about a giraffe in central Europe.  This past week, a terminally-ill zoo worker named Mario was granted one last wish by the Dutch Ambulance Wish Foundation.  The organization drives patients to a location they have always wanted to go or a place they would like to see again in their remaining days on Earth.  The dying 54 year-old zookeeper asked to spend some time with the animals he used to take care of at the Rotterham Zoo in the Netherlands.

When they rolled Mario in his stretcher up to the giraffe area, many people reported witnessing an unbelievable connection between the animals and Mario.  The animals seemed to remember him and to sense that all was not well.  In a touching moment, one of the giraffes leaned in close to Mario and appeared to give him a kiss.  Mario beamed and soaked in the special moment.

Remarkably, it seems that some animals have the ability to tell when humans are not feeling their best. There have even been reports of cats and dogs living in nursing homes that have been used to detect cancer in patients or whether patients are in their last moments.  Whether animals truly have illness-detecting abilities or not, it appears that humans and animals have the ability to form lasting bonds just as strong as interpersonal relationships from person to person.  The reason why this article stood out to me, however, was because it did not feature a cat or a dog.  Even a giraffe seems to have this compassionate capacity.

I’d like to believe that stories like this show that kindness and an empathic understanding runs through the animal kingdom.  Sometimes we look at animals and assume them to be extremely selfish and unfeeling albeit at no fault of their own.  “Survival of the fittest,” “it’s a jungle out there,” “dog eat dog world” are a few of the phrases we use.  But sometimes, as Mario can attest, in our darkest moments we see glimmers of kindness even from across the animal kingdom.

Source: http://guardianlv.com/2014/03/dying-zoo-keeper-receives-goodbye-kiss-from-giraffe/

I’ll be totally honest here, this clip made me cry a little bit. If you haven’t watched it yet, just wait until the very end…

Last month, CBS featured this short story about an eight-year-old boy from Toledo, Ohio who found a $20 bill and promptly gave it away to a soldier, but the simple acts goes much deeper than this.  In this touching account, even a young boy can show us not only about the profound impact of kindness but also the strength of family bonds.

Myles Eckert was just about to enter a Cracker Barrel restaurant when he found the twenty dollars in the parking lot. He reports thinking about using the money to buy a video game, but changed his mind when he saw a soldier sitting in the restaurant.  The soldier, he says, reminded him of his dad. Myles’ dad had died in Iraq when Myles was only five weeks old. Even without memories to hold onto, the absence of a father has clearly impacted Myles.  The clip of Myles showing the reporter his father’s dog tags and wedding ring is heart-wrenching to say the least. Luckily, Myles has turned this pain and love for a father he never knew into kindness.

The soldier who received the $20 from Myles, Lt. Col. Frank Dailey, was also profoundly touched by Myles’ decision to give him the money. It’s amazing how much influence an eight-year-old can have on a grown man such as this, Dailey explained that “It’s incredible be recognized in such a manner.”  One of the things that I loved most about this story is how one of the most unforgettable moments for Dailey, in what is presumably a formidable military career, was inspired by the sincere, pure kindness of a little boy.  It just goes to show that the immense impact of an act of kindness can come from anywhere and anyone.

Source: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ohio-8-year-old-turns-20-into-priceless-gift/

35 Pics

I stumbled upon this link recently and figured I’d spread it along on my blog.  Even if the photos don’t inspire readers to take the same kind of action in the near future, at least I’ll know that I made some people smile by sharing them.

I think that sometimes pictures are the most effective ways of communicating, especially seeing as it seems that modern media users’ attention spans are getting shorter and shorter. Some of the most effective blogs are highly visually driven, so I thought I’d include this link. Anyway, enjoy the series of pictures, hopefully they’ll make your day a little brighter!

Photo by Steven Depolo on flickr.

Many of the articles I find about acts of kindness feature people who are so admirably kind that they almost seem bizarre. They are featured in the news, of course, because what they have done is unusual.

Today I want to call attention, instead, to a person who made a  mistake and turned it into something kind and special.  We might forget sometimes that the kind people who are featured in these news stories have made mistakes of their own and have been mean at one point or another. You don’t have to be a perfect or somehow extraordinary person to motivate yourself to commit a small act of kindness.

In this brief letter I recently found on a blog, a comic book store customer fully and ashamedly admits that he was stealing codes from the store.  It seems he was prompted to write the letter shortly after the store owner had posted on Facebook about the thefts.  The letter is as follows:

“Dear Matt,

You operate a great store, one that I’m sure brings a lot of people happiness. Because of that I’m ashamed to even write this to you.

I have been the person who has been copying the Marvel codes for the digital copy. Without paying for them (obviously). There’s no excuse, there’s no explanation. The feeling that you get something for nothing seems at first liberating, but when the after effect of knowing that you’ve consciously hurt others sinks in, there really is nothing but humiliation and the knowledge of the people whose livelihood you’ve lessened.

Over a period of a couple months I’ve taken from you 14 times (Marvel codes – I’ve counted). Which is $56 of lost revenue for your great store. To think that I’ve vilified those who steal and yet find find myself as one of them is the height of hypocrisy. I know it, and whether this means anything to you I am deeply ashamed. And very, very sorry. I know it doesn’t matter whether it was $56 or 56 cents – the end result is the same. Please accept the below to account for that loss, and the extra as whatever…there is no price on what was done to you.

It won’t happen again (and if it does, please be assured that it was not me – for whatever that’s worth). ”

I think it is important to recognize when a person makes a mistake and turns it around in such a manner. This was no grand gesture and his thefts were not of epic proportions, but I admire that his person understands the moral principles behind his actions. Inevitably, we all make mistakes, sometimes really big ones, but there is also something to be said for how you handle the aftermath. We have to accept that reacting kindly afterwards may not erase what was done, but as Aesop wisely said, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

Source: http://kindnessblog.com/2014/03/06/admitting-when-youre-wrong-is-right/

After all the feel-good stories I’ve blogged about so far, I’m thinking I should veer off in a scientific direction here and provide some more objective evidence about the power of kindness.

We all know that kindness is supposed to make you a happier person, that we inevitably receive something in return for an act of kindness, even if it is simply self-induced joy.  But psychological research is even suggesting that kindness essentially boosts your level of attractiveness and chances of finding a mate.  A study conducted by the University of Nottingham in England released this past September has contributed to a growing body of research that points toward the adaptive and evolutionary value of altruism.

In the psychological study, the university recruited 32 heterosexual women and 35 heterosexual males to take part in two surveys.  In the surveys, each participant rated the attractiveness of opposite-sex hypothetical people for short-term and long-term relationships.  The participants were presented cards that included a picture of the target person and a list with three things the person enjoys/does.  Ultimately, when the person’s picture was kept constant, those whose descriptions included an altruistic act/helping behavior were rated as more attractive in almost all cases.

Example cards used in study (bottom one includes a helping behavior, the top is considered neutral). From Moore et al. BMC Evolutionary Biology 2013 13:182 doi:10.1186/1471-2148-13-182

Both male and female participants perceived altruistic targets as significantly more attractive for a long term relationship, although the effect was greater in predicting how females rated male targets’ attractiveness than how males rated females.  For “short-term flings,” females also rated those with helping behaviors as significantly more attractive than targets with neutral descriptions.  The effect was not as strong as with long-term relationships, but it is still an interesting finding.  Even when thinking about a short-term fling–and they even specified that no conception would result–the nice guy prevails.  On the other hand, there was not a significant finding to indicate that altruistic female targets were more attractive to males for a short-term relationship.

Despite this final finding, kindness appears to have a significant effect on meaningful relationships for both men and women, which suggests greater implications in evolutionary theory and sexual selection.  It might seem counter-intuitive that those who are kind are more likely to pass on their genes because they sacrifice themselves to help others. On the contrary, kind individuals appear more likely to be chosen as a mate.  According to Moore et al., “Helping behaviours may be attractive because they signal ‘good genes’ and/or because they are perceived as a signal of likely provision of non-genetic benefits (e.g. parental care).”

Now this is not to say that you should be nice to someone in order to get them to hook up with you…but being kind has universal benefits.  It seems that there is a reason altruistic behavior should stick around; this study suggests that evolution has made it so.  I also do not mean to oversimplify kindness and suggest that there is no such thing as a selfless act, but it is still interesting to see how kindness plays out scientifically and may be worked into our genetic makeup.

Moore et al. Selflessness is sexy: reported helping behavior increases desirability of men and women as long-term sexual partners. BMC Evolutionary Biology 2013 13:182   doi:10.1186/1471-2148-13-182

Link to full study

Photo by camerabee on flickr.

I recently had the chance to talk to a Lafayette student, Emily Crawford, who created a club that writes anonymous “love letters” and distributes them randomly around campus.  The club is called Lafayette Campus Cursive and I think this group is an excellent example of a kindness initiative.  Through the letters, the group essentially spreads positivity throughout the campus community, and as Emily explains, it has proven rewarding for both those writing the letters and those receiving them. Here’s some great points from our conversation.

Me – What was your inspiration for creating Lafayette Campus Cursive?

Emily – Campus Cursive is a branch of More Love Letters, a larger organization that was founded by a woman who started leaving anonymous letters around NYC as a way to cure the blues of moving to a big, new place…There are branches of the organization on many college campuses across the country, and I just happened to stumble across their website and decided it would be a nice addition to our campus and community.

Me – That’s so cool how it blew up out of one person’s act of kindness. Can you just outline for me what Campus Cursive does?

Emily – Last year, Campus Cursive would meet to write anonymous letters and then would drop them anywhere on campus. More Love Letters also puts out letter requests, when you can write to the organization and request a bundle of letters written to a specific person in your life, so we would also meet and write those and then I would send them off… The way it was set up last year was the writers could either choose to drop them around campus themselves, or I would go around after we met and stick them places – in the library, on bulletin boards, on a staircase. We usually write “Read me!” or “I’m for you!” on the envelopes to encourage people to pick them up and read them.

One of the anonymous letters (from Campus Cursive’s Facebook page)

Me – That’s awesome.  Why do you think these organizations were created and why have they spread across the country?

Emily – I think generally both More Love Letters and Lafayette Campus Cursive exist just to make the world a better place and to brighten people’s days.

Me – What kinds of things do you generally write in the letters?

Emily – There’s no formula for what to write in a love letter, only that they’re not traditional love letters, not Romeo and Juliet-esque. The letters can be whatever the writer wants, something empowering or motivating or uplifting, even just a simple “I hope you remember to smile today”. Sometimes people write notes encouraging a reader to keep their head up, don’t stress too much over midterms, tell people in your life you love them, or remind them that life is short and there’s always reasons to be happy.

Me –What do you think makes receiving something as simple as a letter so special and uplifting for a person, even when it’s anonymous?

Emily – One of the reasons I think that More Love Letters and Campus Cursive are so great is because they use handwritten notes to spread joy and happiness. I think it’s so rare to get a handwritten note that it adds to the experience and somehow feels more meaningful when you receive them, more personal. I think writing notes to your friends or people you know is also great, but I find this system really interesting because you won’t know who reads it, and they don’t know who wrote it. The total anonymity is a kind of freedom, and at least for me whenever I write these letters I get a lot out of it in return.

Me – Can you explain a little more about what you get out of it? Can you give an example?

Emily – If I write a note about keeping calm during finals week or keeping everything in perspective, I know it’ll probably go to someone who’s stressed out and has 47 different things on their plate – like me. So when I write it I also take what I’m saying to heart. It’s like therapy that helps both you as the writer and hopefully someone else as the reader.

Me – Have you ever received a random letter yourself?

Emily – I have received a random letter! It was so exciting and it totally made my day. I think that the whole concept of random letters reminds people that there’s a ton of other people around you who care about you, even if they don’t know you at all.

Me – Overall, what kind of impact do you think Campus Cursive has had on Lafayette?

Emily – I think it brings us together as members of a campus and as a community. Sometimes we forget that we aren’t alone when we run to class or are focused so much on ourselves. I hope that writing and receiving the love letters makes people reflect about belonging to something bigger than themselves.

To me, Emily’s words perfectly sum up why simple acts of kindness are important on a collective level seeing as they contribute to an enhanced sense of community.  Who knows what we are capable of when we spread a little positivity one random letter at a time?

 ——————————–

Just some background info:

Emily is a junior from Long Island, NY double majoring in Psychology and Women’s & Gender Studies. She is also a LANDIS volunteer at Safe Harbor, a Lafayette Ambassador, an EXCEL Scholar, and a student caller at Phonathon.

To join Campus Cursive, simply ‘like’ their Facebook page! –  https://www.facebook.com/LafCampusCursive

Check out More Love Letters

“Money can’t buy happiness, but what you can do with the money can buy happiness.”

CNN reported a story about a man named “Dave” who offered to pay for strangers’ gas at a Chevron gas station in Portland, Oregon.  His main message and motivation: pay it forward.

This video captures the reactions of some of the drivers when Dave offers to pay for their gas.  They are dumbfounded, sometimes speechless or suspicious, but always grateful.  Before the drivers leave, however, Dave always asks them to “pay it forward, do something nice for somebody.”  I can only hope that the drivers followed suit.

In my opinion, there is much we can learn from this story such as the power that a simple kind gesture can hold. Dave’s act caused a grown man to cry and a gas station employee attested to the fact that a group of women nearly burst into tears.  And it works for both parties involved: as Dave explained, paying for a stranger’s gas costs him fifty or sixty bucks but “the feeling will last a lifetime.” Further, donating to charities is certainly helpful, but distanced.  It is intimate, face-to-face acts of kindness that carry the most weight for all involved.

With a strong sense of moral obligation, Dave also recognizes the role that acts of kindness from others have had on his own life, crediting his own successes in part to the generosity of others.  Thus, it is important for us to recognize when we are in a privileged position and harness that power to have a positive influence on others.

Even Dave’s choice not to disclose his full name to CNN is a touching testament to his kind nature.  Rather than be glorified for his kindness, Dave’s happiness stems from seeing others happy and knowing that his kindness will carry on through others.

I did find it a little bit strange, however, when Dave explained how he determines which strangers to help at the gas station.  He essentially picks out drivers based on whether they look like they would pay it forward.  I know making judgments is sort of inevitable and he has to make some choices, otherwise he would go broke paying for every single person’s gas, but this sounded problematic to me.

Ultimately, I just wonder what kind of criteria Dave uses in deciding what a good person looks like.  And in a way, maybe the ones who look less apt to do a good deed are the ones he should be targeting.  His actions could prove more powerful if he helped a wider sampling of people rather than only the ones who act kindly regardless.  Maybe these people have been less fortunate, and they need a true act of kindness from someone like Dave to inspire them.

Regardless of Dave’s methods, however, a simple story like this illustrates how the actions of one person can truly extend and positively touch countless other lives.

Berks County resident, Colby, reads I Will Love You Forever by Robert Munsch to a shelter cat.

I just have to start in saying that this is one of the most precious things I have ever seen.

In Berks County, PA, The Animal Rescue League initiated a program that benefits both children and felines.  The program, called Book Buddies, allows children in grades 1 through 8 of all reading levels to come to the animal shelter to read to shelter cats.  The program is meant to create a fun and non-judgmental atmosphere for children to improve their reading skills as well as comfort the shelter cats with some human contact. Started in August of 2013, this program has become very popular and attracted several members.

This is not just a fun idea so that kids can play with cats while they learn, though; the benefits of the program are even rooted in scientific study. Similar programs that were implemented across the country have also proven successful. The Animal Rescue League’s website quotes Tufts University studies in stating that animals like cats can have a “non-evaluative presence that can provide support and comfort to participants without judging them” which can thereby facilitate greater learning. Other studies have also found that autistic children showed “increased use of language” and “improved social interactions” while with an animal (“Book Buddies”).

The Animal Rescue League has also developed the program further to include fun incentives for the children to read.  For instance, the children are awarded a ticket for every 5 books they finish reading.  They can submit their tickets into a raffle for a chance to win various prizes.

I think this program is a wonderful merging of kindness initiatives in the fields of education and helping animals.  The Animal Rescue League even claims that “Cats find the rhythmic sound of a voice very comforting and soothing.”  Whether this is true (I’m skeptical as to how they would know such a thing) doesn’t really matter.  On some level, I would assume that the cats get some enjoyment out of interacting with a person as opposed to the monotony of sitting around in the shelter. And either way, I think part of why the children enjoy the activity so much is that they feel like they are helping the cats and making a difference. While the cats have no idea that they are helping the kids in their own little way, I love the reciprocal nature of this program.

I could see this program as an exercise in kindness for the kids as well as in reading.  If the children understand that helping others (even non-human others) makes them happy, this could foster further acts of kindness.

(Links to original articles: 1) https://www.berksarl.org/programs/book-buddies/#sthash.kTb3sqWq.dpbs 2) http://kindnessblog.com/2014/02/12/children-read-to-shelter-cats-to-soothe-them/ 3) http://newsfeed.time.com/2014/02/10/shelter-encourages-kids-to-read-to-cats-and-the-photos-are-as-adorable-as-youd-expect/)

Photos by Animal Rescue League of Berks County